Posted by: seekingacademia | March 26, 2009

The Dating Game

So, online dating. Yah, I gave/am giving it a try. I remember post-doc did it. And I think others have to, I just can’t remember.

Talked to some guys/am talking to some guys.

Phil was my first date post-break up. He never contacted me again. Which is fine. He was fun to talk to to, but I wasn’t really attracted to him.

Today I went out with Gin. (I know, my pseudonyms are just crazy good, right? I am so not creative so huge props or cupcakes or whatever if you can figure this one out. Though I think Rented Life has an edge here as she knows the origin of Phil.)

He was cute in pictures. Cute in person. Great fun to talk with. We talked on IM and on the phone a bit the last couple weeks. We talked for hours without realizing it. I really like talking to him. He’s funny. And smart! Smart is good. There were some guys who when I’d ask what they did, lets just say, didn’t have the best answers. Not that I care what you do, I just want to have an intelligent conversation and you should be at a point in your life when you know what you’re doing/going to be doing. Telling me you just got a job at Payless so you’re “not a bum” does not impress me when you are 32 years old.

So, Gin. He’s really sweet. And sarcastic funny, which I am too, so that works out well, we usually get the other person’s humor. Right before I walked out of my building to meet Gin for lunch I ran into the Boy, not the first time. We said Hi and he asked how i was, I said good. Jerk. He really was selfish, in the relationship for himself. Didn’t even wish me a Happy Birthday. On facebook even, I’m not asking for flowers. Supposedly we’re “friends”. My butt we are. Can you tell I’m a little bitter? Thing is, I don’t know that I’m truly over him. It hasn’t been that long after all. But I’m trying to be proactive about getting over him, since my usual pattern of taking at least 1 if not more years is not good. Honestly, when I ask myself if he came and apologized and said he changed, and wanted me back (which he clearly NEVER will), there is still part of me that would say YES, of course! Because dating, you see stuff. Like he was a strong Christian, and that’s important to me. And the home country link, also so important. But I just need to remember when I do pose myself that question, the bad stuff and that he sucks. Until I stop comparing other guys to him and stop even asking myself that question about what if.

How did this become about the Boy? Shoot, freaking boys. Anyway, Gin is nice. I am attracted to him. He is not really a strong Christian right now. And I think I need that. Anyway, we’ll see.

I am also talking with another guy. His name shall be Nick. He is really nice, not as academic, ie he doesn’t like to read. That’s important to me. But he is more Christian. Yet from pictures, I don’t think I can be attracted to him at all. We spoke on the phone after we had been chatting on skype for a week or so. And he is calling me everyday. Not that I mind talking to him. And it’s not stalker-ish or anything. But it’s too, comfortable. Does that make sense? I’m in getting to know you phase. Not in tell me all about your day and lets talk all the time, because let’s face it, we’re not in a relationship here. I keep using the word friend. I am going to meet him for coffee or something this week. He’s a nice guy, but yah. I don’t know. He’s sort of a linebacker type guy in terms of body. And I’m not really attracted to that. I’m a rather smaller person. And he has tattoos, big ones. And no offense to people who have them, they just don’t do anything for me. And the big ones, sort of a turnoff.

Last guy, we’ll call him Frank. I am absolutely not attracted to him, based on photos. He is very, dorky looking. (Gosh I must sound like a total brat or superficial princess, I promise I’m not really). I am a total academic dork, that’s fine with me. But he has a combover and big 80s guy glasses. He’s like the guys on Beauty and the Geek, before the makeovers. Not that he needs a makeover, but guys seriously, if you are losing/lost your hair, just accept it or deal with it. We don’t care. I dated someone who was bald. I have been attracted to bald guys. Many guys lose their hair. Your combover isn’t fooling anyone. Anyway,  he’s a new History prof at another local college. Talking to him is fabulous. He is Catholic and very strong in his faith. We have only talked on skype online. I don’t know…Man, sometimes I feel like I am too picky. Like I shouldn’t care about how he looks. He’s everything I say I want on paper — strong Christian, smart, funny, feminist, etc. Yet being attracted to the person is important…

Man, why do we like the people that we do? Freaking hearts. Or hormones. Or pheromones. Or whatever. I am really attracted to Gin. Though I don’t know if I should be you know. We are going out for a second date. We’ll see.

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Responses

  1. You are not too picky. Thinking you’re too picky and settling down for less leads to disastrous relationships.

    Anyway, you sound much better now, I like that! I’m glad to see you found interesting people via online dating. I tried once, and was so depressed by the profiles of the possible matches that were suggested, I canceled the whole thing very quickly.

  2. Yah, I know you’re right Citronella. I have my preferences/desires for a reason. I do not want to settle or do what seems right rather that what is right for me…. and yah, the reccomendations of the sites are usually not my cup of tea, but when i do the search myself, i had much better luck.


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