Posted by: seekingacademia | January 30, 2009

Letters on Snow

Dear Mr. Street Snowplow Guy,

I do not appreciate you coming after my driveway gets done. Can’t you coordinate with Mr. Driveway Snowplow guy? Because he made my driveway all smooth. And then you come along, and throw all this ugly, icy snow and how are cars supposed to get over that I ask you, huh? How? Also, I know that you knocked into my mailbox while I was gone over Christmas. That is not nice. Now it doesn’t close and everyone can see that I still haven’t gotten my mail. And then stuff falls out. And I find my paper from inauguration day soaked with snow in a snowbank two weeks later. Not cool. Also, thanks to your increased mounds of snow, you made my digging job so much harder today. And for that, you suck. I am tired. That is not cool. Please be nicer in the future, yah?

Thanks, JustMe

Dear Mr. Driveway Snowplow Guy,

Thank you for plowing my driveway. But I do pay you for that after all. So nevermind. Still, I appreciate you doing it. What I do not appreciate is you knocking the lid of my garbage can off with your snowplow and snowplowing it with the snow. I spent a good thirty minutes this morning digging, with the end of a broom mind you, in all the snow lovely Mr. Street Snowplow Guy mounded on my driveway and mailbox. I dug all down my front lawn. With my foot. And the broom handle. And that guy who walks down my street and all the drivers must have thought me insane. Who pokes the snow with a broom handle and then peers down? Me, that’s who. The girl who decided she didn’t need a shovel since she wasn’t going to be shovelling. So then has to play hide and seek with her garbage can lid in the piles of snow your friend left. Well, it wasn’t there. As I gave up and was about to call you and the city garbage people, and basically anyone to complain that my lid was missing, which is a vital item when you live near Bambi and her family, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a black speck. Yep, you, it was *you* this whole time, plowed it with the driveway snow onto the side mounds next to my driveway. Well, I tried to grab the lid but apparently ice and snow and sun don’t mix and it was frozen in there. That is how I landed on my butt. Without a cushy layer of snow to pad my fall, as thankfully, you had plowed. Thank goodness, I’ve been thinking my butt needs some more purple color in it. So I proceeded to dig with the broom handle again. Cue more people driving down the street looking at the crazy lady. I finally got it out and it was all smushed. Thank goodness for your powerful plow. So I jumped on it a few times to get it back to some semblance of normal shape. I returned inside with my garbage can, distorted lid, and broom. Tired. Super tired. In fact, I need a nap. You will be receiving a bill for lost hours of work as well as pain and suffering thanks to your carelessness in plowing. So as a reminder: white stuff (ie snow) please plow. Black stuff (ie trash can and mailbox) do not plow).

Kthxbai, Justme

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