Posted by: seekingacademia | November 7, 2008

Questions for the Experienced

Ok, so here’s the thing. I am am going on a date on Friday night. And another one with another person for coffee on Monday.

Let’s just say the last time I went on a date was a few years ago.

Yah. So here is a question for all you smart internet people in relationships or well, more experienced than me, which by my guess is everyone.

1)How do you find out if someone was previously married? Why do I ask? Well, I dutifully checked out his facebook page, and in some of his pictures, he is wearing what appears to be a wedding band. Though it is on the right hand. Well, I went to my dear friend Wikipedia, which says that in some countries, including where he is from, people may wear wedding bands on the right hand. So, how do I go about asking if he is divorced? You know, without revealing my stalker tendencies and also since it is a first date.

All advice is appreciated!



  1. is the married thing something that you can’t handle, or something that you just want to know?

    My guess is that he will mentioned being married before, and you won’t have to worry about asking.

  2. What about, “Nice ring.”? (In a menacing tone, if need be.)

    For me, the question wouldn’t be just whether he’s divorced, but why on earth is he still wearing the ring?

    I suppose if he’s wearing it in old photos, he might not be now. In which case, I guess all you can do is steer the conversation around to relationships/exs and hope he coughs up. But maybe that’s bad etiquette on the first date. Unless being divorced is a deal-breaker for you, perhaps you can wait until you know whether you are compatible in other ways before asking?

  3. so they are old photos. No ring has been seen on him in.

    and divorce is a deal breaker, annulment has some wiggle room…

    and yah, i am scared to talk about exes on the first date…

  4. Me, I’d go with, “Tell me about yourself. Where did you grow up? What’s your favorite colour? Have you ever been married?”

    I’m a direct question kind of a person.

  5. I think once you’re dating as adults, everybody assumed you have a history and it’s pretty appropriate to ask.

    You don’t have to jump up and run off if he’s plain old divorced but at least you’ll know to be busy next time he calls.

  6. I think it’s OK to ask, but you don’t want to come and say…So were you married or not!” I think it will most likely come out in the course of conversations.

    Check for the tan line on the ring finger.

  7. I would approach it the way (j)oe said… I don’t think it’s a weird question to ask. Heck, people who I’m not trying to date ask me that all the time (co-workers, new friends, etc.).

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