Posted by: seekingacademia | October 30, 2008

Random Thoughts, Boys, Blogging, and Blogger Meetups

So, I have been a bad blogger. Really, I have had no time. I blame the semester system. Too long. That and lots of stress.

I have been twittering though at times. I wonder if there is a way to have twitter update on my blog, like a feed or something.


So I what have I been up to?

Every week, I meet with three of the other grad student women and we get dinner and have lots of fun talking. We all get along so well and it’s great! Though the incoming cohort is quite small, and we sometimes feel pressure to include the others, but a couple of them are really immature and you know, you don’t have to click with everyone.

Anyway, I guess I should give them blognames. First there’s Cheeky, she’s blond and adorable. Then Bee, she is so stylish and funny. And lastly, Berry, who is so sweet! They are all wonderful.

Well, I went to a party one of the grad students had for a birthday. It started really late. What is up with that? I would so much rather be in bed at a time like this….

I had met someone for literally one minute at the first party someone had this semester who was actually an immigrant from the same country as me. Which is always quite exciting for me! Especially since we speak the same language! Well, he left as I arrived (damn you fashionable lateness!). So at one point, I told the girls about this guy, who was friends with someone else in the department. So they told him to invite immigrant guy, but he didn’t, sadness.

Well, I mention this because it was the only way Cheeky et. al could convince me to go to the party, that immigrant guy might be there. So I went, and well, he wasn’t there. We only stayed for an hour and a half, and there were the usual suspects at the party, including latin american friends of the latin american party host that come to our department’s parties. I had seen them before.

At one point in the party, Bee told me that this one guy was totally interested in me. I was completely unbelieving. I mean yes, we had talked a bit, but really not about anything. I mean I learned his department, where he’s from, etc. Once I saw that immigrant guy wasn’t there, I just talked with my friends and really, it was all people I had seen before at the previous party, plus our department’s usual suspects.

So on the drive home, Bee was telling me that he was totally into me. I so did not see that. Bee and Berry were telling me how I looked hot that night and he was hanging around me. Of course, I don’t think of myself as hot. At all. Cute, maybe, as in like, look at that girl, she looks like she’s 12 and pretending to go to an academic conference! But yah, that’s it. And also, I did not get that. And then I realized, that hey, I have never really gotten it.

And Bee, who went to an undergrad similar to mine, where dating was unheard of, told me that it is hard to adjust to the real world, where people date. I guess I haven’t ever dated. You know, like go out on dates. I have had bad experiences with guys (ie Married Guy) or falling for the wrong guy (Mr. Can Never Happen). And I haven’t had a serious relationship in my adult life. High school doesn’t count. And I will say, I am kind of picky. I go by quality not quantity. We have a saying, that I’m sure other languages/cultures have, Better to be alone than in bad company is the rough translation.

So here is the thing for me. I don’t get interested in a person immediately, it takes time. I think about it. I have to know stuff about them. And there are certain non negotiables for me. For example, being Catholic. that’s pretty important. And non-smoking. It makes me physically ill, even just the smell. So while I will say how guy in department above ours is super hot, I am not actually attracted to him because he smokes, and that is a complete turn-off. So how does this guy know that he is interested in me? What does he know about me? From what I can guess, all he knows about me is where I’m from (country), my department (not even what I study) and that I don’t dance, but I talk a lot, with my hands, and laugh with my friends. What more could he know? I guess I am not used to people finding others interesting to date based on just appearances. Or how they seem to act around other people. I guess it takes more time for me to be interested. And so in the moment, I am dense. I cannot tell that people are trying to talk to me. Or might be interested. So I am not trying to engage with them in deep conversation or anything. Plus how can you have a decent conversation when there’s loud music?

So back to teh drive home. Bee tried to convince me that he was interested, and after about 10 minutes, I realized he probably might be, and that maybe my not outright flirting or showing total engagement might be seen as mean or not interested. When really, I didn’t realize that I should have been thinking about my feelings and boys and stuff. So Bee told me to go to a lecture with her on Friday where he will be, and that I should date him. And date others. Like immigrant guy (if I ever see him again).

So of course my mind, being the imaginative bastard that it is, imagines lots of stuid possible scenarios. And I don’t even know the guy! Aside from name, home country, department and two iotas of information I gleaned from his department webpage. Sure I could have facebooked him, but that seems so forward. I might do it after Friday though. Anyway, this past week, I have become excited. Because while dating seems scary, it also seems like fun! And also a chance to wear cute clothes! You know, get out of the sweats and pajamas I wear around the house. But at the same time, I fear I might be getting my hopes up. I mean he saw me in a not well lighted room. And I’m sure he could have if he wanted to seen my department web page, but lets face it, we all put flattering pictures on there. What if he sees me in direct classroom fluorescent light and is like, eew, I can see those girls’ pores from here!

And all this bothers me. Because as a liberal feminist, I shouldn’t care about this shit. I know way too much about how beauty is contstructed etc etc blah blah. Argh, the contradictions with being a woman!

So, all in all, I have blabbed on quite a bit about some pretty dumb stuff. In conclusion, I am excited for Friday, and also worried. And am over thinking things I’m sure. But am completely dumbfounded by why he could be interested in me not knowing my personality. Because let’s be honest, that’s my strong suit.


So I also met Jo(e) again today. So fun yet again, and lots of talking! I forgot to bring my camera but I promise to soon capture a photo of the blogger who tries to get everyone else naked. So I briefly mentioned this boy situation to her as we were leaving, so here you go Jo(e), more info!

It’s sorta sad that this is what’s getting me to blog now. I feel like, aside from having zero time to do so, all my posts this month would have been pretty much 1) i am so fucking busy  2) i am so fucking stressed 3) what should i do in the future? Yah, and there’s only so much of that thinking that I want to do. I’d much rather watch TV and collapse in bed. And if anyone knows how to get twitter feeds on the blog automatically, let me know!

Also, if Obama does not win, I will be so depressed.

BTW, this post may disappear later since yah, it kinda sucks.



  1. your future plans should including meeting up with me 🙂

  2. You don’t dance?! What’s with that?

    Anyhow, I think you *can* tell a lot about a person in a very short time — and not just appearance. You can tell if someone is shy or outgoing. You can tell how self-confident they are, how articulate. You can tell if they are warm and bubbly, or cool and reserved. You can tell by watching them with friends whether or not they are affectionate or playful. Even after talking a very short time, you can often tell if they seem to be smart.

    Sure, some of this may change as you get to the person better, but I think body language and nonverbal cues can be very revealing.

    I do agree, though, that’s it hard to have a decent conversation if there’s loud music playing.

  3. Oh, and hopefully next time we get together, we can celebrate Obama’s landslide victory!

  4. Don’t stress about boys! You have enough to worry about with grad school. I’d say, yeah, try to go on dates and have fun but don’t let it take up too much space in your brain. Of course this is advise from a married women, but I did meet my husband when I wasn’t looking for him.

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